


with a little help from my friends

by mariuscourf



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Texting, Valentine's Day, astrologer jehan, background bahorel/feuilly kinda?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29382414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariuscourf/pseuds/mariuscourf
Summary: Five times his friends try to get Enjolras and Grantaire together, and one time Enjolras goes for it himself.
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 78
Collections: Hoes for Valentine's 2021





	with a little help from my friends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gayberooni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gayberooni/gifts).



1\. _CANCER_ : _Sometimes people are having a tough day. Stop reading into every interaction, it is not always about you. Note that Virgos might not be the best at showing emotions– don’t take it personally._

Jehan was proud of today’s horoscopes. Well, they were proud of all their horoscopes, but had never written them with a specific person in mind before, and honestly? Not to toot their own horn, but this week’s horoscopes were _good_.

“Honey, I’m home!” Grantaire opened the apartment door and strolled in. “Horoscopes are harsh today,” he tossed the local paper on the couch. “Wanna hear yours?”

Jehan, cross-legged on the floor, looked up from their poetry book. “The horoscopes in the newspaper?”

“Yeah, Enjolras gets a letter to the editor published _one time_ and now I have to buy a copy every time I see one for sale in Starbucks,” Grantaire sighed.

Jehan decided not to comment on the fact that Grantaire was going to Starbucks instead of, you know, the coffee and tea shop where they worked. As much as they loved Grantaire, they were kinda sick of arguing with him. Honestly, everyone was kinda sick of arguing with him.

Hence the horoscope trying to push him towards Enjolras, and really? Grantaire didn’t know his roommate had been writing horoscopes in the local news for three months? The living room wall was covered in sticky notes of star charts and rough drafts– well, the living room wall was also covered in whatever doodles Grantaire had done while watching tv, so Jehan couldn’t fault R too much for not seeing the stars.

“You know Enjolras is a Virgo,” Jehan remarked.

“Oh, and I bet that the stars are telling me to get my head out of my ass and just talk to Enjolras already?”

Well, Jehan. through the stars. “Why not?”

Grantaire shook his head. “I– I can’t just _talk_ to Enjolras.”

“You talk to him every week.”

“Not– not the way that this bullshit newspaper horoscope wants me to, apparently,” Grantaire snapped.

_Bullshit newspaper horoscope_? Okay, that one hurt. Jehan took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Okay, I can tell that you’re having some sort of strong emotions that don’t have to do with me, and I’m going to make you a cup of tea and then you can figure out whatever the fuck it is,” Jehan said, standing up and heading towards the kitchen.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Grantaire protested.

One day, their two friends would sort everything out. But until then, Jehan was just going to have to take all their feelings out on the teakettle.

_today’s horoscope thinks we should date._

_Who is this?_

_fuck do you really not have my number saved?_

_I would say I’m hurt but tbh_

_that makes sense_

_Apologies– Courfeyrac changed all my phone contact names again._

_Although I’m sorry, whoever you are,_

_I don’t think we should date just because Jehan said so._

_ooh what’s my name in ur phone_

_I plead the fifth._

_i don’t think that’s how that works_

_Are you trying to fight a law student on the Bill of Rights?_

_yeah_

_Hello, Grantaire._

_omg u guessed it_

_what was the contact name_

_tell me tell me tell me_

_I truly do not want to._

_ok lemme ask courf_

_As you know, Courfeyrac is the one who set it._

_Not me._

_WHAT IS IT_

_“Cute Butt”_

_yeah checks out_

_my ass is p rockin_

_Apologies again– new phone, who is this?_

_wait what does jehan have to do w this_

_enjolras_

_ENJOLRAS_

  
  
  


2\. If anyone asked, Bahorel didn’t orchestrate the carpool to get Enjolras and Grantaire alone. He organized the carpool because neither Enjolras and Grantaire could drive, and that was _definitely_ the only reason.“I’m gonna get some gum, you want anything?” Bahorel, pulling his car into the gas station. 

“Dude, I literally just offered you gum,” Grantaire pointed out.

Clearly, Bahorel was not going into a gas station for gum. He had a pack of gum in his pocket. Just– he needed to give Enjolras and Grantaire a moment alone, okay? They had been staring at each other from across the Musain for years by now, and Bahorel could have sworn they were about to fuck in the middle of the build site. Because clearly nothing was sexier than constructing houses for people who usually could not afford homes.

Well. Feuilly had been pretty handy with a power saw. And a hammer. And maybe Bahorel really wanted to see _his_ hammer, but that was a different story, okay?

“Spearmint’s gross, dude,” Bahorel parked the car and reached under his seat. “Have fun, you two!” He said, flinging a box at Enjolras in the passenger’s seat. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!”

Enjolras recoiled back. “Go get your gum.”

Bahorel skipped away. “Captain Funky Chicken to Picture Of A Baby Moose Holding A Pride Flag That Turned Out To Be Photoshopped, over,” he said once he stepped out of the car, hoping he was far away enough that Enjolras and Grantaire wouldn’t be able to see the walkie-talkie he had pulled out of his pocket.

“I told you we didn’t need code names,” Feuilly’s voice came in, full of static.

“Thude, we talked about this, you need to end with _over_. Over.”

Feuilly sighed. “Operation Peppermint is a go, then? Over.”

“You should’ve seen Enjolras’s face when I threw the condoms at him,” Bahorel smirked. “Over.”

“You threw a condom at him?” Bahorel could practically see Feuilly’s brow creasing in confusion. “Um, over.”

“Thude. How else were they going to get the hint?”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Feuilly sighed. “And you didn’t say _over_.”

“Fuck me,” Bahorel muttered. “Over.”

“You wish. Over.”

Bahorel did wish, actually. But that was neither here nor there. “No– Grantaire’s _coming_ _over_. Over.”

“Baz, are you hiding out in eyesight of the car?”

“Well duh, how else would I know if this worked?”

Feuilly sighed again. “So, let me get this straight–”

“Let me get this straight, I’m not,” Bahorel joked.

“You’re watching Enjolras and Grantaire.”

“Yup.”

“You threw not one, not two, but an entire box of condoms at Enjolras.”

“Sure did.”

“So. You thought they would start going at it, in your car, while you were gone for the two minutes it takes to pick up gum, and they can also clearly see you watching them and not actually getting gum?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

Yet another Feuilly sigh.

_like I feel as if I should apologize for bahorel_

_i had nothing to do w anything_

_but I am still compelled to apologize for bahorel._

_You shouldn’t be apologizing._

_oh I’m sorry, u wanted him to throw condoms at us and then bounce?_

_You shouldn’t apologize; I didn’t say that Bahorel shouldn’t._

_lmao fair_

_just._

_why are our friends. like this._

_I’m surprised you came out today at all._

_wow thanks for the vote of confidence,_

_honestly I just didn’t have anything better to do w my saturday_

_and baz offered me a ride_

_And you just couldn’t resist the chance to drive_

_in a hand painted neon pickup truck?_

_u know me so well ;)_

_FUCK I did not mean to use a winky face_

_hey let’s forget this entire conversation ever happened_

_let’s forget ALL conversations happen._

3\. Grantaire had dubbed it Pining at Shady Pines. Marius just called it watching television over at Grantaire’s apartment when Courfeyrac had gentlemen friends over. Still: naming an entire night after Marius’s undying love and attraction for one Cosette Fauchulevant? 

“And I just like her so much,” Marius sighed, taking the bottle of wine back from Grantaire and downing another gulp. “And her _hair_ , I mean perfect blonde hair…”

Grantaire groaned in acknowledgement. “I could wax poetic about perfect blonde hair.”

Marius had drunk almost half a bottle of wine. Even sober, he wasn’t entirely great with knowing who liked who and what mixed emotions and feelings were going on within the ever-shifting dynamics of his friends. But there was only one person he could think of with perfect blonde hair– Cosette, of course, with locks the color of gold after… after you finished polishing the golden pocket watch that once belonged to your grandfather? Marius wasn’t too good with similes.

He took another sip. There was no way Grantaire was in love with Cosette; Marius would die. Had Grantaire been pining too this entire time? “Err, Enjolras has blonde hair,” he stammered. If Grantaire liked Cosette, he could like Enjolras, right?

“No shit, Sherlock.” Grantaire looked at him like Marius had just pointed out the sky was blue– which he had once, and Courfeyrac laughed for a week, but shouldn’t Marius point out the pretty shades in the sky to his friends when he sees them?

“You should date Enjolras.”

Grantaire grabbed the wine back and polished off the bottle. “Okay, Pontmercy.”

“You can’t have her,” Marius slurred. “Or you can if she chooses you, because she can make her own decisions and doesn’t owe me anything. But I _want_ her to be with me; I want her to be with me so much…”

“You really don’t know what you’re talking about, do you?”

All Marius knew is that Cosette was so kind to everyone around her, how her eyes twinkled when she smiled at him, how soft her skin was– because one time, they brushed hands when she was passing him a pen, and then Marius told all his friends he was never washing his hands again and then Joly made a powerpoint about why that would be bad, and…

“I love her,” he slurred, falling onto Grantaire’s shoulder and promptly falling asleep.

_i have a marius passed out on me_

_A Marius, as opposed to the usual six_

_or seven Marii asleep on your lap?_

_one marius_

_two marius_

_red marius_

_blue marius_

_Are you drunk?_

_marius wants us to daaaate_

_He wants us to set a date for the rally next month?_

_That would be great;_

_he keeps ignoring my texts about scheduling._

_like scheduling us a daaaate w me_

_You’re drunk._

_i said i was in love w a blonde and he assumed I meant cosette_

_so now he’s trying to push us together_

_lol_

_You’re in love with a blonde?_

_gniiiiiight enjolras_

_enjolras_

_ENJOLRAS_

_It’s three in the morning._

_yeah but you’re still awake_

_just, promise me you’ll never date marius_

_Do I even want to know what this is about?_

_bc he thought if i liked cosette i could like u_

_and he likes cosette_

_so he could like u_

_qed bitch. LAWYERED._

_I can’t recall ever saying “QED, bitch.”_

_promise me enjolras_

_PROMISE ME_

_Grantaire, Marius is straight._

_lmao_

_marius is straight_

_(if college doesn’t count)_

_BUT YOU GOTTA PROMISE_

_You’re ridiculous._

_I promise._

_Goodnight, Grantaire._

  
  


4\. “Let me read your cards.” Eponine was sitting across from Grantaire at his shitty kitchen table, still stained with glitter from the time Courfeyrac snuck in and tried to plan a nice Valentine’s Day dinner for Jehan. She would judge– at least Eponine had the excuse of two teenagers running around her apartment, but honestly, having glitter just be _there_ for almost a year was 100% something that would happen to her too.

Grantaire gave her a look. “Since when are you into tarot?”

“Cosette’s teaching me. Come on, it’ll be fun.” Eponine placed her deck on the table.

“Between the two of you and your cards and Jehan’s horoscopes, the universe is really trying to interfere with my life,” Grantaire said.

“Oh, you finally realized Jehan’s the one writing horoscopes?”

“I– listen, I never read the local paper, how was I supposed to know?”

Eponine decided not to point out the glaring lie there. “Uh, you live with them?”

“Like you know everything about your roommates.”

“My roommates? You mean my siblings? Of who I’m the legal guardian of?”

“ _Whom_.”

Maybe he was picking stuff up from Jehan after all. Eponine sighed and cut the deck in half, beginning to shuffle. “You could stand to take some advice from the universe.”

“I could stand to take some advice from anyone.”

Eponine chuckled. “One card. Come on, I need the practice.”

“You’re doing this whether or not I agree, aren’t you?”

“You know me so well,” Eponine smirked, pushing the deck over to Grantaire. “Draw one.”

“I– fine,” Grantaire gave in. “Two of cups, are you gonna tell me what this means or should I just go outside and shout into the void, or–”

“Smartass,” Eponine said. “Um. That one’s about new relationships, I think.”

Grantaire burst out laughing. “Sure it is.”

“No, see the two people on it?”

“You’re telling me that they’re about to fuck?” He raised an eyebrow. “Because damn, if I knew tarot was like this beforehand, I would’ve made Jehan read my cards a long time ago.”

Sometimes, Eponine could barely stand Grantaire.

“No but really, tell me my future.”

“I can’t tell you your _future_ ,” she said. “Just watch out for new relationships, I guess?” And because she knew it would piss Grantaire off: “watch out for Enjolras.”

“I– did Bahorel put you up to this? Is this deck rigged?”

“Dude, you _watched_ me shuffle.”

“Your brother’s good at card tricks; I don’t know.”’

“This isn’t a card trick.”

“I can’t date Enjolras because everyone seems to want it to happen,” Grantaire sighed.

“Even you?”

“Fuck, ‘Ponine.” Grantaire slumped down in his chair. “If there was a way for it to actually happen? If we lived in a universe where he could actually tolerate looking at me?”

Eponine tapped the card. “Well, this universe seems to think it could.”

_sup enjolras, weird q_

_i mean all I ever have for u are weird qs_

_Fuck Hobbes, kill Locke, marry Mill._

_omg_

_that is not what I was going to ask,_

_but omg._

_What is it, then?_

_nvmd_

_catch ya later, e_

5\. Courfeyrac leaned into the circle, grasping onto the wine bottle’s neck and giving it a spin, squealing in delight when it landed on Enjolras. “Truth or dare?” He asked. 

Courfeyrac was an evil genius. A middle-school sleepover themed party for Valentine’s Day? Fucking brilliant. Plus, he got to show off his new Cupid-print pajama pants. But more importantly, he could trap Enjolras into admitting he had real human feelings.

Enjolras looked around the circle, weighing his options. “Dare.”

Damn, he wouldn’t get to find out why Enjolras had been smiling at his phone so much recently. Still… 

“Seven minutes in heaven,” Courfeyrac grinned.

“Courfeyrac, that’s a different game entirely,” Enjolras protested.

Courf shrugged. “It fits the general theme!” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Grantaire walk by, presumably to grab more snacks from the pile next to the truth or dare circle. _Bingo_. “R, come over here!”

Grantaire obliged, kneeling in between Joly and Bossuet with a look of confusion on his face.

“Enjolras. Dare. Go seven minutes in heaven with Grantaire.” Evil. Genius.

“That’s– what do _I_ have to do with this?” Grantaire protested. Courfeyrac shot him a look: one that was supposed to convey the sentiment of _bitch I am making all of your dreams come true, you can thank me later; yes I’ve had a Pinterest board planned for your wedding for at least two months by now– I’ll send it to you later, don’t worry, it’s in my dual best man duties_ , but probably just came off as looking constipated.

“You’re here,” Courfeyrac said. “And there are no rules in truth or dare.”

Joly nodded in agreement and pointed towards the coat closet in the corner. “Time to go back in!”

“That was a cheap joke, and even you know it,” Grantaire extended his hand to Enjolras. “Shall we?”

“I suppose.”

_I suppose_ was the closest thing Courfeyrac would ever hear to a love confession from Enjolras, it was practically a Valentine’s Day miracle.

“Well, gentlethems, my work here is done,” he leaned back and smiled. The cupids on his pajama pants had nothing on him.

Courfeyrac didn’t mean for everyone to crowd outside the door to his coat closet, but if you weren’t going to act like middle schoolers at the middle school sleepover themed party, what was even the point? And so he found himself, crouched on the ground, practically in Jehan’s lap, ears pressed against the door.

“Our friends are stupid,” Grantaire said, muffled through the closet door.

“Pointing out the obvious, huh?” Enjolras said

“Did you– did you put Courfeyrac up to this, like is this some sort of joke or–”

“Oh, is there something funny about this that I’m missing out on?”

“There’s clearly _something_ going on, come on.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe it wasn’t you, but all of our friends trying to push me towards you, and Courfeyrac literally _shoving us in a closet together_.”

Silence from inside the closet. In his defense, Courfeyrac hadn’t _literally_ shoved them in a closet, just dared it into happening. 

“I’ve never done seven minutes in heaven before,” Enjolras admitted.

“You mean you _weren’t_ the king of actual middle school sleepovers?”

Courfeyrac was willing to bet any amount of money that Enjolras was rolling his eyes right now. He leaned in closer to the door, and–

“They’re listening,” Enjolras said to the door.

Well, it was good while it lasted. Courfeyrac would still consider this one a win.

  
  


_Sorry if I made it awkward earlier._

_nah_

_no one i would rather be in a closet with_

_Have our friends been weird lately, or is that just me?_

_um clearly both_

_Happy Valentine’s day, Grantaire._

+1. _VIRGO: have you been sending mixed messages to those you care about? Now is the time to truly tell those in your life how much they mean to you. Go talk to your crush. Today is also a good day to buy dinner for any astrologers in your life: for example, maybe a new vegan place opened next to their apartment. Just food for thought._

Standing in the rain outside Grantaire’s apartment was not how Enjolras envisioned spending his Monday night. He should be studying for his torts exam, or watching Frasier with Combeferre, or– fuck it, he was tired of waiting around for Grantaire to text. He could do this. Not just because Jehan’s horoscope said he could– Enjolras didn’t need signs from the universe, or manufactured meetings from friends.

He knocked.

“Jehan’s meditating, but I can get them,” Grantaire whispered upon opening the door. “That’s why you’re here, right?”

“No, I– can I talk to you?”

Grantaire shrugged, and stepped outside.

“Can’t go in?” Enjolras asked.

“When I say Jehan’s meditating, I mean they’re lying on the living room carpet and I’m starting to get a headache from the incense.”

“It’s raining,” Enjolras pointed out.

“Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed,” Grantaire smirked. “What’s in the bag?”

“The bag? Oh–” Enjolras looked down. “Um, it’s a basil plant.”

This was a bad idea, perhaps Enjolras’s first-ever bad idea. Still, he walked all the way to Grantaire’s in the rain, he might as well go through with it.

“Okay?”

“Err, flowers are wasteful.”

“You’re cute when you’re nervous,” Grantaire smiled. “Even if this is the first time I’ve ever seen it.”

“Cute?”

“Fucking hell, Enjolras,” Grantaire said. “Yes, you’re cute. Hot. Generally pleasant to have in eyesight.”

_Hot_? “I need to apologize for last night,” Enjolras said.

“Apologize for what?”

This was going to be harder than he thought. “Courfeyrac– and Marius, and Jehan, and Bahorel, trying to push us together.”

“Eponine too,” Grantaire added. “So you’re sorry they…”

“They’re doing this because they know I like you,” Enjolras admitted.

“You–”

“This is awkward; we can pretend I never said that,” Enjolras began.

Grantaire leaned forward and brushed his lips against Enjolras’s. “You brought me a basil plant.”

“It’s _practical!_ ”

“I thought you were avoiding me, I’ve had a crush on you for forever–” Enjolras kissed him again. “I’m going to send all of our friends thank you notes.”

“Maybe don’t send one to Bahorel,” Enjolras said. 

“Nah, he gets one too,” Grantaire laughed. “C’mon, let’s see if Jehan’s done meditating, I’m freezing here.”

Enjolras grabbed his hand, and they headed inside.

  
  


_jehan’s been giving me weird looks_

_does everyone know_

_Grantaire, you’re entirely too obvious about everything._

_excuse u, not obviously enough into you for you_

_to TELL THAT I WAS INTO YOU FOR FUCKING EVER_

_Bahorel is calling me._

_ooh don’t pick up_

_Do you not want to tell people?_

_in a week i will fucking scream this from the rooftops_

_but for now?_

_let them suffer ;)_

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day, Gabe!
> 
> Created for the [Hoes for Enjolras](https://discord.com/invite/vERrqvA) Valentine's Day exchange– join us on Discord! A million and ten thanks to Vic for beta-ing.


End file.
